TIME can't dissolve everything

It's been almost a year
but it still can't get away from my mind....

today
there's an incident happened which remind me of my past
my FAILURE past...

argghhh..!!!
i don like blogging much anyway,
but i think it's the only way i can release myself of the cage here
( "a break" i mean )

ok
back to the topic...

It's happened when i m in secondary sku
started since f4 girl guide AGM...
dat day
i was contradictory
i dono whether i should happy or not
happy, coz i was given the post UNIT LEADER as honour
worry, coz i know it will be a hard way for me...

after dat
i tried my best in everything in guide
i never hope to get anything back for dat
it's a scarification
sacrifice time, studies, effort......everything
for guide...
i willing to do dat
i m responsible to do dat.......

i admit!!
i m NOT a decisive leader ( towards some "specific" prob )
i m NOT a tough leader ( may cry behind coz of some "specific" frenz )
but
i have my own reason,
own limited power,
own thinking,
own decision too.

to be frank,
i thought before
[ letting u resign is a good solution for this ]
but i know
it's cruel n unfair for u...
i felt sorry to u
but i really can't thought of other better complete solution
i know
i have to be firm
n be "bad" in dat case...
but me too
have to be fair to everyone,
have to care about everyone.
i m wrong,
i thought time can solve everthing...
but it's NOT

my dear ASST(1),
i know wat u r thinking dat time
u feel dat...
u stand alone,
no one really knows about u in guide,
no one is helping u,
no one knows u sacrificed a lot...
but actually IT'S NOT...
i m always biased toward u
( even the others can feel dat )
i always stand on ur side
( until the others think dat i m bias )
i know how much u sacrifice
( coz i m jz the same )
honestly,
u r the only one can understand me well in guide,
n also the most helpful wan...
but sometimes i have to think about the others as well
i hope u can understand...


n one more thing,
do u know y the "others" will stand together?
do u know y u r not the leader for dat time?


it's really time for u to reflect urself (dat time i mean )
perhaps i was wrong to not to critic u dat time...
of coz i m not meaning dat i m the correct wan n the others has no guilt
but as a frenz/ex-leader
i hope u can understand urself more...


lastly
i really hope dat u can think of my side...
since AUL can have such stress,
y not the UL?
u r not the only one who faced "obstacles"
u r not the only one who r sacrificed...




anyway,
i owe u an apologizes,
" I'M SORRY... :(
i'm sorry to all the ajk dat time "
i dare not require forgiveness from u all
but i hope u all can "really" understand me...
i maybe looks joyful all the time
but wat u saw is not necessary real...

btw,

it's been a past

& i had learnt from the past, 

i hope u all too...

"failure is the mother of success"

i don wan to fail another time!! ( dis is not related to KHGG )

* mayb someone will shock dat i ll write a blog,

but i think IT'S A MUST from now...

the road in front of me is getting dark,

it's hard to walk without "torchlight"... :)